Wednesday, September 21, 2011

How Not to Pick Up a Chick in Second Life: Episode Five

[00:42] Sex Seeker: hello you look so hot!
[00:43] Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you.
[00:45] Sex Seeker: going to start thing off prob. bad, but can I shag you?
[00:45] Deoridhe Quandry: No. Why in the world would you imagine that request was welcome?
[00:46] Sex Seeker: sorry its been that kind of night
[00:46] Deoridhe Quandry: ......if your nights are such that you ask strangers for sex, then perhaps you need to log off the internet.

To Another Avatar:
[00:46] Sex Seeker: wow you so hot!

When I say that many guys act as if I'm replaceable, as if they have a "sex object" or "girlfriend" slot they want to fit me into, I often feel like people don't agree with me. The term "oversensitive" gets thrown around rather a lot (along with irrational and hysterical) when I bring this up.

This is a rather bald example of that, though. Sex Seeker is not at all interested in me; even the complement - in light of his subsequent behavior - becomes questionable because the attractiveness of my avatar is unimportant to him; what's important is whether I will supply sex, not who I am or what I look like.

Sometimes I think that for a lot of men, women are like NPCs. You need to figure out what to say to them to get what you want, but the meaning of what you say isn't important - you aren't trying to talk to another person, but rather you're trying to find the up-down-up-down-left-right-a-b code to get sex, and then you can leave the NPC behind.

Honestly, the more I have men treat me like this, the less I want to deal with men at all.

I know it's unfair to generalize... but I'm so tired of it.



Skin: De La Soul, Kei Cream
Eyeliner: Adam n Eve, Hepsut
Eyelashes: Flugeln Brise, Eyelash 05
Cosmetics: De La Soul, Charlie Makeup - Red Lips
Ears: Illusion, Mystic Ear
Hair: Calico Ingmann Creations, Audrey - blond
Wings: Fancy Fairy, Azarelle Wings
Collar: Favole, Prolific
Dress: LeeZu, Oxford Dress - red
Stockings: Kuri Style, 64 socks
Shoes: G Field, Square-toe Shoes "Sophie" - red

Pose: Glitterati, 123

Location: Siden Survival Horror
Light Settings: TOR, SCIFI Shilarto
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping only


  1. Is it as objectifying when I say that I found this: " you aren't trying to talk to another person, but rather you're trying to find the up-down-up-down-left-right-a-b code to get sex" rather hot. I'm not trying to sex you.

    Great post and I don't think you're oversensitive or hysterical to see these things. I think the lens of Sl is actually rather helpful in terms of putting on display some of the blatant sexism that persists in our society at its very core. I think sometimes putting an avatar face on very human failures and prejudices helps us to confront things we don't like to face.

    All this to say that while I hate that you have to deal with this in world, I truly appreciate you discussing it here.

  2. *laughs* Not at all; one thing I do have some pride in, and consider integral to my personality, is a bit of wit.

    Awww, you're very sweet. It's nice to hear someone else likes it! Sometimes I think no one reads, or I should just do fashion and not the 'this is what I'm thinking' side of things. It's nice to hear someone likes to read it!

  3. Love this! SL is great for guys to display their inner selves. I absolutely love it, and frankly I like telling them off, too. My RL is riddled with sexism I can't often do much about, so flogging someone for their blatant idiocy on SL can be cathartic and invigorating. Love reading your responses to these asshats...

  4. Deoridhe, I hope you post MORE of what you think. Frankly, I'm not interested in fashion, but I find your thoughts to be more educational than the shocking examples of what tries to pass itself off as human when it approaches you. I'll admit to my own stack of mental foibles, but seeing people as NPCs...well, that sounds like most men I know, I'm afraid, so I have to agree with you...but it's a trait of sociopaths. I hate to think that most men are sociopaths; it's frightening enough to know that most government officials seem to be sociopathic.
    I love your underwear comment regarding typing skills, by the way; I think that's the best answer to poor typing and careless spelling that I've ever heard! (Sadly, most of the RP I've encountered in SL has been of that sort, often produced by self-proclaimed "sophisticated" para-RPers who provide such convoluted paragraphs that you can't decide at what point your response is supposed to fit in.)
    Back to my original thought, though: I realize that most *outgoing* men seem to be...inane...but there are places where (at least some of) the men are truly interested in developing relationships. No, I'm not hitting on you; I have too many long-term developments in my life to be trying to start new relationships, but friends are welcome. Contact me inworld if you're curious: MicSteel Newman. I'm normally logged in 24/7 and thus most likely to be AFK, but I'll reply as soon as I can.