Monday, February 24, 2014

How NOT to Make a Friend in Second Life

Wild Life

I got hit on again. Of course, I seemed to intimidate him before he got beyond "huging", but I don't have any more doubts about where he wanted to go, than I have doubts about the naked man who TPed in halfway through this conversation with the name, "Girls I Want To Fuck You".

[21:15:00] [Clueless in USA]: hi there
[21:15:18] [Clueless in USA]: i like your dance
[21:16:50] Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you.
[21:17:14] Deoridhe Quandry: You can get your own AO for not much on the marketplace, I think.
[21:18:00] [Clueless in USA]: im new in here and im try to see how it work
[21:18:21] Deoridhe Quandry: An AO is an animation overrider. It makes it so that you move, stand, and sit differently than the default.

Up until now, ok conversation. Dull, but he was new and didn't know the terms. He was standing uncomfortably close to me in avatar, though (hint: if we're touching, you're too close), and the next words out of his fingers cemented exactly why he was in my IMs.

[21:19:24] [Clueless in USA]: how about huging  lol
[21:19:49] Deoridhe Quandry: Ah, those are usually scripted objects.
[21:20:57] [Clueless in USA]: hahahahaahh come in close
[21:21:04] Deoridhe Quandry: Why?
[21:21:38] [Clueless in USA]: we can talk
[21:21:48] Deoridhe Quandry: We are talking right now.
[21:24:26] [Clueless in USA]: i love to see you close so i can feel you
[21:24:53] Deoridhe Quandry: Dude, I don't want a stranger "feeling" me. Thanks anyway.

See, this is why I get so annoyed. Less than five minutes in my IMs and he's trying to pick me up. Second Life is not a bar. We were in a hair store, for Fuck's Sake.

[21:25:37] [Clueless in USA]: im [Clueless in USA] and you
[21:26:22] Deoridhe Quandry: I'm Deoridhe. Introductions don't make you less of a stranger, especially given how focused you are on talking about what you want.
[21:27:20] [Clueless in USA]: hahahahahahaaha we are not stanger any more
[21:27:34] Deoridhe Quandry: No, we're still strangers. You're just a stranger being creepy now.
[21:28:47] [Clueless in USA]: im sorry im just  playig with you

This is one of the interactions that drive me nuts - ignore everything I say, focus on what gets you what you want, and do what you think you can to get what you want while ignoring what I want completely. This is so disrespectful. I'm making my boundaries clear, and he's tyring to get around them on a technicality, which only makes him more creepy.

[21:29:12] Deoridhe Quandry: Apology accepted.
[21:29:25] [Clueless in USA]: thanks
[21:29:46] [Clueless in USA]: for real im [Clueless in USA] usa and u
[21:30:08] Deoridhe Quandry: I'm Deoridhe. For real.
[21:30:28] [Clueless in USA]: from

See again: ignoring the boundaries of another person because you want to. See also: fucking creepy.

[21:30:37] Deoridhe Quandry: Why does it matter?
[21:31:11] [Clueless in USA]: maybe we can be frind
[21:31:32] Deoridhe Quandry: So far you've shown no interest in me besides wanting to hug me and "feel" me. Why would I want to try to be a friend to you?
[21:32:54] [Clueless in USA]: your right
[21:33:24] Deoridhe Quandry: I asked a question. I didn't make a statement.

He never answered the question, but I continue to wonder it. These guys IM me wanting to be "friends" (read: get cybersex); they never, ever, ever, ever give me a reason why I might want to be friends with them. Ever. Ever ever. This one was no different, and I mocked him for it below, but he still never answered the question.

[21:33:57] [Clueless in USA]: like  i  say im new so i dont know what all about
[21:35:03] [Clueless in USA]: you dont have to be friend
[21:35:20] Deoridhe Quandry: So you were born this morning and have never formed a relationship with another human? That's gotta be really tough.

See: diverting attention from  difficult question. See also: Deoridhe getting even more bored and annoyed and beginning to lose her vague semblance of politeness.

[21:36:52] [Clueless in USA]: hahahahahahansorry
[21:37:27] Deoridhe Quandry: Sorry for what?
[21:37:51] [Clueless in USA]: if i bother
[21:38:18] [Clueless in USA]: but realy i like your danc
[21:39:08] Deoridhe Quandry: Why do all of the guys like you say that? One) You can never answer why my physical location matters. Two) You answer questions with assertions I'm right, as if what I'm interested in is someone too brainless to answer a question. Three) you apologize for being a bother without actually doing anything more interesting. Is it a script you get, or something?
[21:39:42] Deoridhe Quandry: Yeah. You said. It's an AO. You can get one of your own if you want.

This is the second time he complements my AO. Overall, the animations I purchased three or four years ago were what he apparently liked the most about me. Also, watch below as he deflects my entire rant by trying to make it about my feeling an emotion I'm not feeling. See: not respecting my boundaries again. See also: fucking creepy.

Calvatia gigantea

[21:42:20] [Clueless in USA]: your words  and how you talk says you are nerves thats whay im said sorry
[21:42:42] Deoridhe Quandry: am not "nerves" or nervous. I'm irritated and you are dull.
[21:43:34] Deoridhe Quandry: I've had this conversation multiple times before with other people. It's like you're incapable of seeing me as a person, which is both pathetic and boring.
[21:45:42] [Clueless in USA]: how to start frindship without known any thing like name or where about some one you never see
[21:47:33] Deoridhe Quandry: You know my name - it's Deoridhe. You know where I am, it's Second Life. You see my avatar. I have a bunch of information in my profile.  If none of that is good enough for you, then give up on meeting people in SL and go meet people offline, because you've missed the point.

I simply do not get why someone would come online and want offline information. I never got it on ISCABBS. I never got it on Gaia Online. I don't get it on Second Life. As a lead in move it is useless and gives you absolutely no useful information, and in a world with profiles you have so much more to work with. And I taught him how to find a profile, even if he never actually made use of any of the information in it or, indeed, became anything more than dull.

[21:50:43] [Clueless in USA]: ok how i go to your profil can you show me pleas
[21:51:07] Deoridhe Quandry: Right click on me. Click on "profile" when the menu opens.
[21:51:22] Deoridhe Quandry: Clicking on my name in this chat should open up a menu as well which lets you see my profile.
[21:52:17] [Clueless in USA]: thanks
[21:52:51] Deoridhe Quandry: You're welcome.
[21:53:11] Deoridhe Quandry: There are some other helpful tips here:
[21:53:24] Deoridhe Quandry: At the bottom are some Sims you can go to which teach you how to navigate around SL.
[21:56:54] [Clueless in USA]: good thanks ageen
[21:57:02] Deoridhe Quandry: You're welcome.
[22:02:59] [Clueless in USA]: cool good info
[22:03:31] Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you. It might be a little dated; it takes a lot of time to stay on top of it.
[22:04:08] [Clueless in USA]: yyes
[22:04:39] Deoridhe Quandry: ^.^

He was showing some interest in learning, so I was nice.

[22:07:18] [Clueless in USA]: you playing awesome
[22:09:49] Deoridhe Quandry: Huh?
[22:10:38] Deoridhe Quandry: What do you mean?
[22:10:57] [Clueless in USA]: danceing
[22:11:13] [Clueless in USA]: i cant move
[22:11:20] Deoridhe Quandry: I don't control it. It's an animation I purchased from a store.

This would be the third time I gave him this information, though it's possible he didn't understand the other two times and just... was incapable of asking a question for some reason.

[22:12:08] [Clueless in USA]: oh real mony or just point
[22:12:18] Deoridhe Quandry: Like I said, you need an animation overrider. You can get some for free on the Second Life Marketplace. The only in world place that gave one for free closed a year ago, so far as I know.
[22:12:24] Deoridhe Quandry: Real money, not a freebie.
[22:12:32] Deoridhe Quandry: That's how I have the dress and the hair, too.
[22:13:22] [Clueless in USA]: cool styl
[22:13:47] Deoridhe Quandry: I'm a big fan of fashion.
[22:14:31] [Clueless in USA]: i see

At this point I just gave up and stopped responding. 

[22:16:51] [Clueless in USA]: ok thanks for chat i m  going  sleep
[22:17:03] Deoridhe Quandry: Ok, bye.
[22:17:14] [Clueless in USA]: bye

What chat, I ask you? Aside from my pointing him to some newbie resources, which he apparently barely read at all, we talked about a whole lot of nothing with him dodging most of the questions I asked and he tested my boundaries to see if he could push me around. My strong temptation is to just ignore the next one - but I keep hoping one of them will do something different, will show some level of thought and comprehension beyond, "Buh huh touch u rite?"

Sunny Smile

( More pictures here. )


Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: D!va, Ange
Flower: OrsiniSun, Enchanted Poppy
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyeshadow: Elymode, Metallic Red
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Lipstick: Mock, Fruitillicious Gloss
Wings: Una, Steampunk Wing Down
Hands: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands
Jewelry: Purplemoon, Lazuri Regal Desire
Nails: MakeUp Addiction, Pois
Dress: katat0nik, Choco Dress (Limited Edition)
Shoes: G Field, Lady Rose

Poses: Don't Freak Out

Location: Cerridwen's Cauldron
Light Settings: TOR, MIDDAy Precision Blue
Water Settings: Mirror Water

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only


  1. Hilarious! Ant a good analysis. Alone the world "playing" makes me upset because many do not get how disrespectful it is to use another person as toy.

    1. Not only another person, but a stranger. And in any case, he wasn't really playing, he was trying to get what he wanted without caring anything about me at all - the claim that he was playing was an attempt to conceal his (paltry) manipulation, much like his accusing me of being nervous when I was angry. It's all about minimizing and ignoring who I am in favor of his script.

      Urg, this happened a while ago, but rereading it makes me so angry all over again.

  2. I don't talk to people under a year old ,, unless its in a class ,, after 7 years ,, they make me crazy why did u do it ??

    1. I like to help new players when I can, and I don't discriminate by SL age. I've also had people of three or four plus years do exactly the same things as this particular player, so it's not like discriminating by age changes anything.

      In fact, one of the nicest guys I ever met was two days old, and I helped get him settled into Second Life.

  3. I found helping noobs usually frustrating. One day I met I young girl from Russia. She soooo wanted to be a furry. So I asked around and found the best freebie furry in SL for her. Her answer: "A fox? I don't want a fox, give me Lindens to buy a cat."

    1. Well, yeah, it's a mixed bag a lot of the time. I have sort of a set type of information I hand out, and if they're interested in another area I'll show them how to get info on it, but I don't give lindens and I only give time when I'm bored. I'll freely admit I remember the good experiences more than the negative ones, mostly because I only do it when I'm in a good mood already.