Thursday, March 3, 2011


I'm a big fan of the Slacktivist, who is moving his blog - shock and awe! - and he recently did a post which brought up an old memory of mine. Entitled, Team Hell Gets Loud, Fred speaks up about his view on the common evangelical view that Hell is a place everyone who isn't evangelical is condemned to unless they accept Jesus into their heart (No room! I keep my blood there!).

I'm not Christian now, but I was once Christian. Ickle Deokins once carried around a Bible she never read (and I never have from cover to cover! Bad Deo!) and believed God loved her, and bought into the popular conception of Satan/Lucifer (this is pre-knowing-the-Greek, mind) falling from Heaven and being Condemned To Live In Hell and Torment Humans.

Odd as it sounds... when I was in my early teens... I used to wish I could purposefully go to Hell.


This probably sounds odd, and at the time I wondered if I was dangerously close to one of the heresies that would lead me to get sent to Hell, but I used to spend time trying to figure out if I could endure the torment of Hell because I had a purpose. A naive purpose, but still... a purpose.

See, I thought it was wrong that Lucifer was condemned to Hell for loving God more than People. And I thought it was awful that God's way of punishing him was so cruel - to send him away from the person he loved most.

I figured Lucifer was probably lonely, and sad, being away from the person he had loved most. And maybe over time that pain had turned into a desire to invoke pain in others, but that meant Lucifer deserved more sympathy, not less.

So I wanted to go to Hell, to try to cheer Lucifer up. You know, give him someone to talk about God to maybe, or... distract him with something, or just be with him so he wasn't so alone. I figured most people condemned to Hell wouldn't care if Lucifer was lonely and sad, so someone who wasn't condemned should go to take care of him.

However, I wasn't sure I could do it, and I was caught between wondering if wanting to go to Hell to cheer up someone God put there would send me to Hell, or if being so lacking in love that I wouldn't be willing to go to Hell (because it was hurt, and even as a young child I didn't like pain) would make me a bad enough person I'd end up in Hell but then not care Lucifer was sad and lonely so I wouldn't cheer him up anyway.

So then it would have all been for nothing.

In my late teens I left Christianity behind, but I'm still struck by the ethical dilemma I put myself into because I felt sympathy for the devil.



Skin: Nomine, Sylvan Latte - pride 2
Eyes: Tacky Star, Pride
Ears: Illusions, Mystic Ear - Fairy (tarnished)
Hair: Deviant Kitties, Eli - Blond
Wings: Boom, Aranel's Wings - Evil Edition Chained
Necklace: PixelDolls, Mes Regretes - Burning Heart necklace
Dress: PixelDolls, Knockout Tutu - Red
Boots: Dilly Dolls, Sonata - Dark Red
Book: Secret Shelf, Twisted Book Red (A Decoy Prize)

1) 2010.4 free 1
2) ImpEle, Winged 05

Location: Whimsy
Light Settings: Sailor's Delight

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping only

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