Wednesday, November 20, 2013

How NOT to pick up a chick in Second Life - Episode 12


It's been a while since I've been hit on - and this particular example is especially astonishing because of the rapid turnaround in attitude after a single "no." This is actually fairly common in these kinds of interactions, along with the astonishing lack of interest in anything about me beyond my appearance - despite the fact that lots of information about me is literally in my profile, a single click away.

[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: hello fairy girl
Deoridhe Quandry: Hello.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: blow kiss onto your forehead

This sort of immediate and inappropriate virtual physical contact is actually a technique used by Pick-up Artists who by and large disdain women. It's called Kino Escalation, and the idea is to build in a sense of familiarity and comfort in women by touching us almost immediately. Personally, it makes me deeply uncomfortable. While I am an inveterate hugger and cuddler, I expect people I just met to be quite a bit more hands off because I don't yet know what they want, and I am suspicious by nature at this point.

Deoridhe Quandry blinks.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: cute!!
Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: very welcome, sweet
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: ok, sorry to bothered you, bye
Deoridhe Quandry: No bother at all.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: realy?
Deoridhe Quandry: Yes, I'm not inclined to lie in general.

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: I'm being hit on... badly.
[Private Chat] Ro: lol Deo

[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: is a good thing
Deoridhe Quandry: I believe so, yes.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: i like it~
Deoridhe Quandry: You like... what?
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: you're  not inclined to lie
Deoridhe Quandry: Ah, yes. Most people prefer truthful people.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: giggles, sure

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: Seriously. He keeps giggling at me.
[Private Chat] Charlie: dawww a giggler
[Private Chat] Ro: XD 

[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: lovely eeyes
Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you. A friend of mine made them.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: nice job..and  breast too, smiles
Deoridhe Quandry: Those are mostly the corset. It's a very good bit of mesh.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yeah, realy  good..

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: And he's talking about my breasts. >.> Bets on how long it will take him to ask me for sex?
[Private Chat] Charlie: Catlyn is a girl's name btw Deo, did you notice that?
[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: Yup, but male body. Sometimes a G I R L?
[Private Chat] Charlie: BURR is missing the lesbian hitting on Deo!!!
[Private Chat] Charlie: LOL

Finsing My Reflection

Deoridhe Quandry: Creators on Second Life are very skilled.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yes, is a wonderful place for everything
Deoridhe Quandry: Not everything, but certainly a place for some creators to do wonderful work.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yes, well to meet cute girls loke you  too giggles
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: like*
Deoridhe Quandry: I suppose. ^.^
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: :))
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: hug's
Deoridhe Quandry: Hugs?
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yes

That is when I notice he has triggered a "hug" animation. I'm wary of animations from virtual strangers in Second Life, so I prefer to not accept them; it may say hug and do very different things, after all.

Deoridhe Quandry: No thank you. I just met you.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: so disgusting you are huh, fuck you then
Deoridhe Quandry laughs. "Wow, are you really so pathetic that a single no makes you abusive?"
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: sorry busy a bit

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: And "you are cute" to "you are disgusting" in a single no.
[Private Chat] Charlie: Wow... only took two letters.
[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: Astonishing, isn't it?
[Private Chat] Charlie: totally

In many of my posts of this sort I've talked about how this process of being hit on in public is not really a complement - that it is more about the person making the approach than any actual interest in me. The exchange above is a clear example of this - the second I asserted myself as someone who could say "no," even by not responding, this person became first covertly and then overtly hostile. That's because this isn't ultimately about me at all - I am a receptical of all of his assumptions about women and the purpose we serve in his life, and any deviation from what he thinks should happen - e.g. he complements my breasts and I consent to physical contact with him - is met with not just hostility but extreme and rapid hostility. 

This is also part of why women are so reluctant to say no, even politely, in situations where this hostility can be followed up by violence. On Second Life I am safe. Short of griefing me - and there are tons of ways of responding to griefing - he can't harm me, and so it's safe for me to be completely honest and defend my own boundaries. If someone like this were hitting on me offline, though, I would be much more likely to lie and escape as quickly as possible, consenting to what I need to in order to stave off the inevitable overt hostile response to a no as I seek out a permanent escape. In a world where a simple "no thank you" is met with "fuck you,"  from entitled creeps, the best defense for women is to not be clear.

Sun Spots

( More pictures here. )


Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Exile, Dream of Paradise
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbowstances 2
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Eyeshadow: MiaSnow, rainbow 4 green
Lipstick: Mock, Bella Vetro Gloss
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands and Feet: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands and Feet
Nails: Virtual Insanity, All Hallows Eve 2
Jewelry: Mandala, Milky Way
Corset: Immateria, Dunwich Corset
Skirt: Mon Tissu, Oxford Pencil Skirt
Stockings: Miamai, Ombre Stockings (Shoetopia Gatcha)
Shoes: Boom, Olycena Bow Pumps (Shoetopia)

Poses: Grafica

Location: Manet
Light Settings: Phototools, Lo Light 04
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only


  1. I really dig that you wrote this out -- it's a perfect example of how getting hit on in public is hugely uncomfortable and invasive. Lovely post.