Wednesday, December 7, 2011
I've been thinking a bit about identity and the internet - especially in regards to our reputation. I've been Deoridhe for a long time, and have a significant chunk of history behind me - I'm invested enough in the name that I have a bunch of Deoridhe's with different last names because yes, I am that much of a geek. I'm actually pretty comfortable with my reputation - even the less savory bits like the Gaia account made to mock me by one of the resident trolls (a badge of honor from my days as a moderator). I've even had a few of my Second Life conversations reproduced, and by and large I'm comfortable with most of what I say being passed around to different people.
I'm a bit of a spazz, and a lot of a vapid floozy, and I have a temper on me that I can sometimes ward off but which has a tendency to wash over everything. I'm idealistic and cynical by turns, and I have a tendency to get really snarky fast. I'm ok with people knowing that I sometimes have difficulty tracking people over multiple names (evidence of this is all over the recent drama) and that if a fight is over a few months I'm likely to have forgotten about it (except for some major fights, but I can seriously count those on one hand and often they don't actually count as fights). My work leaves me drained - something that picture taking really recovers me from. I sometimes have a tendency to stick my nose in, and I adore adore adore drama - even the ones I'm involved in (with a few notable exceptions).
The recent bruhaha with a former acquaintance being really upset when his thoughts on women became public-ish made me reflect on what I say, when, to whom, and how I would feel about it being reproduced. There are some things I think and say that I don't want to be general knowledge - but I'm generally pretty careful about who I talk to and usually what I don't want shared is the more personal, weird things which lurk in the Deoridhe-interior. My thoughts about other people, well honestly I expect those to become public sooner or later. I hold a few secrets, and I have a few guesses at secrets, and part of my job is being a sort of black hole into which experiences fall and occasionally get regurgitated as far from the form of their original source as they can be.
I'm not perfect, I'm a work in progress. I like to think I'm worthwhile as a friend, but I've had several people walk away shaking the dirt off of their feet. I've also walked away from people, and had to consider my reasons why. Reflecting on what amounts to six months of a slow-speed fight, I can't honestly say I'd do anything differently except hide the names of the women unfairly quoted by my ex-acquaintance. I am unsurprised he's unwilling to stand by his words, but it wasn't fair to them to simply be drive-bye victims of his dismissal.
( More pictures here. )
Skin: De La Soul, Aestali - Cream Rose
Eyes: De La Soul, RooMee Eyes - Rainbow
Eyeshadow: Elymode, A Little Drama - Frost
Eyelashes: Flufeln Brise, Eyelash 5
Hair: Exile, Lady Versailles - Honey
Ears: Illusions, Mystic Ears
Lipstick: Mock, Bella Vetro Gloss - Lepore Red
Dress: Hal Hina, Chiffon Dress 03
Jewelry: Little Boy Blue, Clara Yule Jewelry
Ring 1: Alchemy Immortalis, Nestling Finger
Ring 2: Earthstones, Eternal Blossom Ring - Bouquet
Shoes: Alice Project, Faelin Pumps - Vibrant Iridescent
Location: Willowdale Estates
Light Settings: TOR, FOGGY Catastrophe
Water Settings: TOR, Coral Reef
Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping only