Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Candi the Shinigami
Candi the Shinigami keeps a close eye on the Isles of Amras, monitoring the souls which come to Enma and making sure none come too early, nor too late, nor disappear entirely. Yami no Matsuei tells the story of some of the Japanese shinigami, but I'm an Amras girl with the same sort of irreverent anachronism endemic in those roleplaying sims. Don't worry if you don't see me around much, but know I'm here to investigate your inappropriate death (or life) so the bureaucracy of the afterlife can continue unabated.
I was really thinking today about the cycle of habit, and the mechanism which undermines and reinforces what we become. A lot of my thinking is centering around cleaning because that's one of the main area I'm trying to change in my life. I am, to put it baldly, a total slob, but I'm tired of living that way. I spent some time cleaning over the weekend, but when I came home I realized my last act of the night had been to fill up my counter again, covering it with not dirty things but just things - not allowing the empty space, but having to fill it up.
Humans have a significant level of sub-conscious analysis of the world and what is safe. We have divided drives of novelty and changelessness; change is alluring, but frightening, and so needs to be handled carefully. One of the theories for why people who grow up in abusive situations and then replicate them as adults is learned helplessness - also found in other mammals, learned helplessness is when someone is rendered helpless and after a few tries to escape simply stops; in animal studies the animals often then display symptoms that seem similar to what we call depression in humans, a sort of lack of interest and motivation which is different from mammalian behavior in the young. One possible aspect of learned helplessness in a more complex situation might be the comfort of the familiar; we seek out what feels familiar - what is not different - especially when we're very anxious.
This is part of why it's suggested to make changes in times when one can be relaxed about it, and to limit the amount of stress one feels over making a change; when we're anxious we become rigid while safety encourages relaxation. However, the changes themselves can cause anxiety, like my fear of an empty counter because I'm so used to things being crammed full of stuff, covered and cluttered and cramped. I need to take time, I need to reassure myself as I make these changes, repeatedly reinforce that this new normal is good through repetition and relaxing into the change, and then hopefully my new will be reset to something where clean and clear is comforting and reassuring instead of stressful, and then maybe the stress of empty spaces will be eased.
( More pictures here. )
Skin: De la Soul, Aestali - Cream Rose
Eyes: De La Soul, RooMee Eyes - Rainbow
Eyeshadow: Elymode, Coal & Purple
Eyelashes 1: Flugeln Brise, 04-A
Eyelashes 2: SLink, Mesh Eyelashes
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Lipstick: Adore & Abhor, Baroque Grape
Hair: Magika, Somewhere
HeadWings: Aux, Fly Free
Wings: Fancy Fairy, Azarelle
Hands: SLink, Mesh Hands
Dress: Sn@tch, Lydia Corset
Necklace: Pididdle, My Special Treasure
Weapon: Falln Angel Creations, Meiou Scythe Purple
Bracelets: Digital Eyes, Plastic Bracelets
Stockings: G Field, Button Socks
Shoes: SLink, Vanity Boots Black
Location: Amras West
Light Settings: Phototools - Lo Light 03
Water Settings: Valdez
Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only