Morning in the Sithen / Self-Objectification

I mentioned a few different homes on my home post earlier, including a couple on my roleplaying sim. The Public one is in a place called the Sithen, where the fae can come to rest and rejuvenate themselves. One half of the upper rooms are Deoridhe's, on her right as the Seelie Queen and representative for the fae, and she has them decked out in an opulent style which hints at the immense resources she has, as well as her sometimes whimsical sense of style. The Sithen itself is not mine so to speak but it does feel familiar and welcoming to me, and I love going there just to hang out and wait to see if anyone wants to play with me.

How do we Tolerate Intolerance

The 2015 Eurovision Song Contest is a bright and frothy reflection of very dark things. I didn't want to get into it in my Sunday Squee because it is decidedly unSqueeful, but the Eurovision attempt to sing away war happened while a war was going on. Over a year ago, in February 2014, Russian forces invaded Ukraine in the wake of Ukraine trying to formalize stronger ties with Europe, and they've continued to advance their military despite sanctions from a West which has been unwilling to offer up direct military aid. Conflict News, a source which attempts to use citizen reporting about what they observe as a way to get more information about conflicts in areas where journalists are unsafe, has a running line of information about the ongoing conflict on their Ukrainian feed, including an animated gif which gives a sense of the war's size and progression. It is notable that Ukraine had withdrawn from the Eurovision Song Contest citing their unstable political and financial position while Russia remained in the contest, and scored second with a charming song I would have loved if not for the political backdrop.

In addition to Russia showing their intolerance of Ukraine's independence through war, Russia has also spent the last several years spreading prejudice about some of their citizens and codifying the abuse of these same citizens into law in 2013.  There are a lot of ways to interpret this in the face of a West which is becoming increasingly liberal about homosexual people, and to a lesser extent trans* gender people, it came briefly to the attention of a national stage during the 2014 Olympic Games in Moscow but was overshadowed by the attack on Ukraine in 2014. Vladimir Putin defended Russian law as being put in place to encourage population growth in Russia and even contextualized responses to Russia's codification of discrimination of law as foreign propaganda (source). Lithuania pointedly had two same-sex kisses as a highlight of their song This Time, a narrative choice which would have been strengthened by keeping that lineup the whole time instead of prefacing and following it with the expected heterosexual couples. The moment - and the cheers of the crowd - seemed extremely pointed, however, given Russia's contemporary treatment of gays and lesbians.

And it is into this context that the points scoring section occurred, where the crowd booed when Russia received points - and it happened a lot, since the Russian song and singer were very good. The hosts of the show emphasized several times that “music should stand over politics tonight”, and last year's winner Conchita Wurst, who had been condemned by the Russian Orthodox Church, was seen comforting singer Polina Gagarina who had supported Wurst despite Russian condemnation in the wake of Wurst's 2014 win. Against this backdrop, in the context of individual people making connections while larger countries shift in focus, the question of how we respond to intolerance becomes even more important. It is notable that Gagarina was condemned along with Wurst within Russia and yet was still chosen to represent Russia. Whenever one is talking about a country there is a mix of people with directly opposing beliefs, and all too often a minority of the population can use violence or bureaucracy to monopolize the representation of the country. It's also important to keep in mind that we can use discrimination in other places as a way to draw attention from the local discrimination we condone, offering up a mirage of effortless moral superiority. Where I live in the US the legal discrimination has lessened, but there are still horrible and cruel things done to lesbians, gay men, bisexual people, as well as the broader spectrum of people with variable gender identities.

Discrimination is an act of individuals, but it is also an act of a collective, and so neither individual nor collective response is sufficient. I think that is why these moments can be so fraught, as thousands of people mistook Gagarina for Russia and booed, as other people defended Gagarina hoping the larger context would ally them with the accepting and not the intolerant. To object to something is an act of discrimination, and act of intolerance, and so often that simple fact is used as a weapon against people who object to anything - including intolerance. We don't live in a fairy tale world where the character of the king is reflected in his country, but we do live in a world where the many often go along with the few, and where objecting to the public face of a presumed majority is discouraged. We also live in a world where feelings may be mixed. Even knowing that Gagarina supported Wurst despite the words of prominent people in the country she is representing, I found that the very act of her representing Russia was an emotional challenge for me. I didn't want to like her or her performance - they were very good nonetheless - and despite their inaccuracy in the specific moment, I found the audiences' refusal to let Russia's actions against other countries and it's own citizens go unrecognized.

Emotionally, I would have preferred if one of the bridges built was to Ukraine, even though Ukraine could not be present. Mentioning them, honoring them, would have done a lot to rebalance things in my opinion. Instead, the unmarked absence of Ukraine and the presence of the country which caused their absence felt like cheering on the bully while ignoring the person he put in the hospital - I found it intolerable. Clearly, the powers that be behind Eurovision felt differently - and given the reactions of the women who were the face of Eurovision this year, it felt like one which was congruent for them even while it was intolerable for me. The call to "Build Bridges" while people were being killed seemed painfully tone deaf despite the sheer joy I found in Eurovision. I think that particular flavor of tolerating intolerance by pretending it did not affect any of the people involved - in this case by trying to filter out the booing which was used by residents of the local area to register their dislike for Russia in the face of it's intolerance and aggression - was unreasonable.

I don't know how things would have gone differently if the Eurovision staff had created something recognizing Ukraine as a sibling nation and marking their absence, but I would imagine that it would have added to the individual acts by other countries, like Lithuania, which attempted to mark the intolerance they disliked by displaying a type of public approval of same-sex relationships, or like France and Hungary did with their songs decrying war. The presence of Wurst was an explicit condemnation of Russia as well, but I wish both Wurst and Gagarina had respected the voices that disagreed with the inclusion of Russia in the larger context. Gagarina's song was "A Million Voices," and I am sure her intentions and her desires for peace and healing are sincere, but I think calling for peace and healing while people are dying in their own countries and that isn't being recognized by the people calling for peace and healing is, again, unreasonable.

A Million Voices should include the people currently being victimized, the people currently being attacked, the people having their children taken away, the people losing their jobs. It should include a country that was attacked and whose resources were drained so they couldn't attend. The Bridge to them shouldn't vanish, while the Bridge to their attacker is maintained, or this isn't true peace, this isn't true healing - it is a call for solidarity on the backs of the dying and dead, and that's no solidarity at all.

Context matters.

Genre (Anime): Scarlet Luck

I have a deep and abiding love for anime, the theme for this month's Genre. My actual favorites are the magical girl anime, where one or more girls - usually in the 12-16 range - get special powers to save the world. It is a powerful series of images at a time when girls are becoming women, stepping into a wider world, and dealing with all which that entails. My first favorite was Mysterious Thief Saint Tail, the story of a young acrobatic thief who steals form the criminal to bring justice into the world, pursued by someone who only slowly begins to see her in the chase. The eternal fan favorite was Sailor Moon, but I was always more of a Pretear or Wedding Peach sort - Pretear for it's complicated story of love and friendship, and Wedding Peach for the introductory speeches which won my heart.I've just recently tun into LaGrange, a combination of mecha and magical girls which makes me truly happy. On the twisted side of the genre, there is Princess Tutu, the story of a bird who becomes a girl who becomes a Ballet Magical Girl; it begins in a world of lightness and playfulness but rapidly evolves into a meditation on depression, pain, self-discovery, and the power of stories. And a celebration and critique of the entire genre is part of Puella Magi Madoka Magica, the powerful tale of recursion, fate, and friendship.

All of these stories are about women with the will and power to change the world, but also about the challenges and glories of friendship between girls and women, and how we influence each other to grow and become better people. Sometimes, like with Pretear, the relationships between women are more tenuous, but most of the stories have a central theme of love and understanding primarily between women who may often work at cross purposes.

My outfit is in the style of magical girls, short and bubbly with plenty of ruffles and cuteness. I pulled largely from Genre this look but flavored it liberally with bits from katat0nik, who draws heavily from anime aesthetics. Her arm bands are one of my new favorite ways to accentuate an outfit, and I simply don't want to take my froggy cap off! I picked my eyes - gem style anime eyes from The Stringer Mausoleum - to match the bright blue froggy eyes of my cap. They come in a bunch of types and are fit for petites as well as full sized avatars; I'm wearing the mesh ones in these images. In true anime style, though, my eyes are almost completely hidden behind these astonishing bangs from the Kazama Store. I love the shape, and the cel shading, and the fact it is modify-ok so I could fit it to my fat head and around my enormous ears! It's all of a piece, so you can't resize individual parts, but since it's one piece you can make it wider without making it taller, which is almost as good! It comes in a bunch of colors from the naturalish to the entirely not, and would be especially perfect for an avatar more inspired by anime's artistic conventions than mine is.

Pretty much the rest of my outfit from shoes to collar are all from Faster Pussycat. There are very few ruffled skirts of this style and I really love the many layers and intricate curves. I also like the cut-out on the front of the scoop bodice and the delicate strings tied between them. The heels are entirely impractical - good things I have wings! - but that makes them a fun example of high, stylistic platforms. The polka dot detailing pulled the outfit together, and I really liked the skull touch - that and the rich shade of red round out what is otherwise a sweet and adorable outfit. The hint of death among the cute is definitely a recurring theme of anime and magical girl anime in particular. Under the cute and frills there are darker drives and painful experiences that gradually transform girls into women, if the girls survive the process. I accented my outfit's colors, and it's theme, with my nails, an elegant circle and stripe motif from Dark Passions, not available at Genre but definitely worth picking up oh its own. Referencing Ophelia and her destruction as a teenager, it seemed entirely appropriate.

Sunday Squee: The Bloggess

The Sunday Squee is when I can talk about things that make me happy and excited. The main focus will be on different things people created, from books to movies to television shows to podcasts, and my effort will be to highlight less commonly known things as a way to share what I love. If you want to join in the Sunday Squee, please link back to me so I can enjoy what you love!

The Bloggess exists at the nexus of weird, enthusiastic, terrified, and terrifying - a one woman cyclone riding the roller coaster of life's experience in all of it's glory and mess. I love her because she is gigantically, gloriously imperfect in public, and that's something I admire so much even while I'm terrified to do it myself. She's a reminder that honesty is often a quicker route to beauty than artifice, and that there are so many different forms of bravery that it's important to not discount any of them. She's also a reminder that we only see the outsides of people, and their insides are more complex and glorious and mysterious than we could ever know. I love what she represents to me - a call to be honest, to respect the power I wield, to respect and love myself even in my weakness.

I don't remember when I first became aware of her - some time in 2011 when she engaged with a Public Relations Company that pitched her and then insulted her in an accidental "reply-all." This was one of the earlier demonstrations of personal influence's effect through Twitter, an example of the shift in balance between professional, money driven communications and individual, charisma driven communications. In many ways, interactions like this were what led mainstream media to plumb Twitter for content - people were much more engaged with what could be discovered from presumed individuals whom they trusted than a media which often seemed out of touch and indifferent. We're still seeing the cultural reactions to these sorts of individual and ideal driven interactions, and in many ways the stages are virtual - through Twitter and Tumblr and Instagram. This isn't some utopia of pure individuals bringing us together to achieve wonderful things - it is another reflection of the mob mentality which has always existed with large groups of people. Interestingly - the rise and fall of this sort of thing is all contained within the Bloggess' Demonstration of Relevance in response to the insult. She led a response from the large group of people who valued her, and then called for some breathing space at the end of it, all contained in a single post.

She had real respect for the degree of power contained in her influence, and I find that inspiring.

On the lighter side, one of my enduring favorites of her shenanigans was her quest to get a picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper, a quest which both ended up being successful and ended with her becoming friends with Wil and his wife, both fans of shenanigans in general, and taking part in a calendar to raise money and save animals. She has a long history of slightly manic and entertaining interactions with celebrities like the creators of Portlandia and Nathan Fillion, as well as inspiring celebrities to take selfies holding things. Now and then she leaves notices for lost snakes and lost signs. She talks a lot about her experiences with advertising agencies, including ones where the people in question manage the weird beautifully and ones where they demonstrate they don't read the blogs they pitch to.

The weird is only hinted at in her rant about how she is the suspicious activity on her account - the purchase of the weird and taxidermied takes up a large part of her time and house. Then there is Beyonce the Metal Chicken, who remains to torment her husband and knock on various doors. The next year, she rented him a sloth. And then there are her many friends, like Totes McGoats, Copernicus the Homicidal Monkey, James Garfield (who does miracles), Beartrum Higglebottom, Juanita Weasel, and Jefferson Peabody. Rounding out the household are her pets: Rolly, Hunter S. Tomcat (who is the silent killer), Ferris Mewler (who out-vampires vampires), Blasphemy Scratchnsniff, and Dorthey Barker (who helped her heart heal). Pets memorialized in loving memory include Posey, Barnaby Jones Pickles, and Bubba.

She can also be inspiring, like when she talks about different kinds of bravery, anxiety, and depression, as well as managing your dreams when you're scared. She founded the Traveling Red Dress, which inspires all women to seek joy and self-acceptance. She's also written a couple books - Lets Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir, and Furiously Happy.

I had a ball searching through her blog for nuggets of humor and brilliance; I hope you enjoy her as much as I do!

Left of Center

Winter can be a melancholy time, an exhausting time, a time for inward turning, and a time for deep thoughts. I've been dwelling on a few different things - one being power, how we know we have power, how we identify being powerful, what empowerment means, and the difference between actual and perceived power. Knowing when one does and doesn't have power is complicated because perceived power can give rise to actual power, and actual power can be perceived as powerlessness. I was also thinking about that in the context of groups, group dynamics, the prejudices individuals-as-members-of-groups are prone to. I've been really struck lately by the rhetorical plays people make and trying to figure out why - is it accurate all the way down to bone, or is there a calculus for winning which steps in? A discussion of creating a woman-dominated space was responded to using stereotypes of weakness and pink, and it was all intra-group; a woman and feminist objects to sartorial and language choices of other women; women organize to police and exclude each other as part of seeking equality; there is something bent here when it aggregates. There is something also in the stories we tell, and how we work with and against them as individuals. The world is made up of layers of meaning, and sometimes I think truly understanding is completely impossible.

I'm wearing a couple of things from Level Up, specifically this wonderful dress and necklace (the latter a gacha) from katat0nik. The motif  of the dress is froggies, the style adorable, the skirt semi-transparent. I'm wearing the average size here; it goes larger and smaller on both ends and works well on both thin and curvy bodies. I actually want clothes like this offline - the fluffy skirt is a favorite of mine, and who doesn't love a sailor suit top? The necklaces, which are gacha prizes like I said, are all fruit themes in a wide variety of colors. The little bow in the same color is adorable. I went with a loose, flowy ponytail from Clawtooth in a very simple blond. One nice thing about rigged hairs is that ponytails can now stay nicely tucked against the body instead of going every which way whenever one turned ones' head, and this is a waist-length ponytail worth having, as much for the flyaway bangs as anything else. My stockings are an old, lucky purchase from Stellar which I really love; they actually came in all green, but I thought the white contrasted more nicely with my shoes and were less overpoweringly a saturated green - the touch of the clover is enough to echo the green of the frogs. Capping off my toes are these fun variants on a Mary Jane style heel, with the delicate ribbon along the edge of the shoe and the shiny, silver buttons. They come from Mango Cheeks, and are a fantastic, elegant shoe - I ended up picking up the fatpack! I especially like how the band is tapered instead of steady, reflecting the pressure put on it by the feet, and giving it that little extra touch to set it apart from other shoes.

The Lines Between Us

In July of 2011, Rebecca Watson talked about an experience she had at a conference. At the time, she didn't really identify as feminist. She mostly identified as an atheist and a skeptic, interested in all of that from a pop culture and communicative sort of way. Not a scientist, just a woman - a cool woman who called herself a Skepchick, along with a handful of other atheists and skeptics.
She talked about an experience where after listening to her talk all day, both professionally and personally, about how she didn't like being approached for anonymous sex - a man followed her into an elevator at 4am and asked her up to his room for coffee, a drink not normally drunk at 4am or in hotel rooms. She said, "Guys, don't do that," and then tried to give context by which that made her uncomfortable.

The flood of hate didn't start against her until a week later, when in a thread on the topic Robert Dawkins, a respected figure in the atheist not-really-a-movement-but-buy-our-books, took her to task by comparing Watson to a fictional Muslim woman he called "Muslima."

The whole thing would go down in history as "Elevatorgate", and shockingly more than three years later she and it still gets brought up, and she still gets hatemail, death threats, and rape threats over it.

In May of 2012, Anita Sarkeesian decided to start a kickstarter to support making more videos for her Feminist Frequency video series, this time specifically on video games. She asked for $6000 to make six videos, it was featured on the front page of kickstater, she got her money within 24 hours, she and many times her goal (with associated stretch goals) within the month.

She also got a flood of rape and death threats, including a video game which allowed you to "beat up" her image. Her public places on the internet were hacked, including her wikipedia entry. Among the rape and death threats was a growing portrayal of her as Jewish in the most anti-Semitic manner possible - very odd since she's actually Armenian.

She has been talking about the misogyny she received in several venues; now we know her public appearances were always accompanied by violent and credible death and bomb threats. She spoke every time, once the local police had secured the site, and only did not speak when the police told her they couldn't bar people with guns from being in her audience in Utah.

In August of 2014, gamergate was launched to attack Zoe Quinn. Her alleged crime was sleeping with someone other than her boyfriend for positive game reviews; the person she allegedly slept with never reviewed her video game. Subsequently, another game designer named Brianna Wu (creator of Rev 60, an awesome iOS game) and Sarkeesian, among others, were added as targets.  The attacks on them, and many other women who rose to prominence in a variety of ways, is one of means by which women are dismissed from public life; it is a way of perpetuating an unequal and entirely gender-driven divide. It also affects many more people - women who rose to prominence in different environments but don't end up making the evening news because they aren't white, or they aren't cis gendered, or a thousand other characteristics and moments of chance.

What amazes and saddens me the most is how often these women are still blamed for the treatment they receive, even by self-identified allies. I have read people critique Sarkeesian for not going into a venue where people had guns because that was what the trolls wanted, so by definition they "win". So many of these women have been asked why they don't just stop doing what they are doing, as if that would end the hate. All of this focus on what the targets should do, and so little on what we and others can do to stop the ones actually causing the problem - the abusers and threateners. They, instead, get dismissed as children, or unemployed, or unable to have sex and thus inferior - all continuation of sexist denials of the humanity of men, even men who chose to terrorize women.

The lines between us are made by our own thoughts, and reinforced in committee.

Anatomy of a Blogger

Nigel Riel has an interesting post on types of bloggers, which got me thinking about my own style. He posits four types of photographers (The Unedited Snapper, The Pop-Out Photographer, The Cleaner, and The Artist), and five types or writers (Wait, I had to write something?, Be Brief, Be Gone!, The Storyteller, The Babbler, and The Complainer), which can mix and match but have some inherent trends. I am an Artist who alternates between Being Brief and Babbler and who often brings my offline experiences, thoughts, and opinions into Second Life because I feel a continuous thread throughout. I do have some additions to make to his categories, though.

I personally think "The Photo Manipulator" can be broken out of "The Artist" into it's own category, since it's possible to do full on artistic setup and yet not process the image - that's what I try to do, though often I feel like I fall rather short of artistic - and processing is it's own set of skills. That would require being able to be in double categories, which I think is possible - I know of a few people who are Snappers and yet use a lot of photo manipulation to clean up and improve an image, though I think that is rarer than full on Artists. Likewise, I think there is a category of "The Critic" which is in between Babbler and Complainer; while it is rare in Second Life's usual slew of loving blogs, including my own, there is deep value to critique both of specifics and of general themes within a given community and set of artists. Granted, a lot of the commentary in Second Life could be seen as drama-mongering, even my own "How NOT to..." series, but I am sensitive to the importance of a community have ways and means of tolerating and assessing dissent or it becomes calcified around a few strong personalities, who grow used to living in a world where they are always in the right. I feel like there can and should be some sort of middle ground, where insults and cruelty are not tolerated, but dissent is.

Indeed, one of my friends' responses to my "How NOT to..." series got me thinking about whether it is an appropriate critique of people who approach me and are in the wrong, or if it is my expressing cruelty to a helpless target. In specific, his fear was that if we spoke in world I would turn my admittedly sharp wit and sometimes scalpel of a mind onto him. In the specifics he was inaccurate - all but one of the people I have blogged about in this manner have been complete strangers when they contacted me - but in the general, a fear that what one does toward one target might be aimed at friends is a valid and reasonable one. I don't have much to give as a reassurance. I have a temper, and when I'm riding the edge of it I can be ruthless. I like to think of myself as kind and gentle, but enough friends have told me they're a little scared of me to let me know how close that is to the surface. I can be kind, but I have a cruel streak in me - and it's in my best interest to keep that in mind, even if I do continue to sharpen the scalpel of my mind.

Take a Moment, Take a Breath, Engage

Sian has an amazing post about social media and levels of interaction in each others lives. This seemed to vibrate gently with two recent posts she also linked to - one on stopping liking things on Facebook entirely, and one on liking everything on Facebook - both of which highlighted how linking things (on Facebook, at least) has become commercialized through the use of the "like" symbol being fed into algorithms which determine how close or distant we are from each other. Liking on Flickr is a bit different; it is more of a measure of eyeballs and doesn't determine who you are fed next, except maybe on the sidebar, and I'd suspect that's similar with any social medium which has subscription feeds instead of algorithm driven feeds. Liking, starring, or otherwise offering some kind of unspecific approval is available on most forms of social media, and it is tied into algorithms which have a variety of effects, for the self and others. This is all the technical side, though, and what all three meditations on social media and how we interact with it point to means of distancing ourselves via social media, and means of becoming closer.

Brief responses, with their additional algorithmic effects, are inherently distancing - they are about doing the same thing over and over again in response to a stimuli. They do actually exist outside of a programmed environment where liking is possible; a lot of community social interactions are similarly proscribed - "Hello", "How are you?", "Good", "Please?", "Thank you", "Have a nice day." They're meant to lubricate interactions and make them pleasant for everyone involved, which is why "Really awful," and five minutes discussing your digestion usually isn't usually done, even if it is accurate. Similarly, if you read through some of my How NOT To... series, you'll quickly notice a lot of the men who try to pick me up have a script that is remarkably consistent between them. Their questions largely have to do with Age, Sex, and Location, all offline. Their responses are largely agreement, even to questions asked of them. It can feel like engaging with a chatbot rather than another human being. In contrast to the "social lubricant" situation, when one person approaches another for a conversation there is more of an expectation of sharing information, rather than skimming over the surface as one goes about purchasing one's milk.

And that is what engagement means. It means reading for content and thinking before responding. It means showing authentic interest. It means opening oneself to be changed by what one encounters. And this takes, to put it honestly, both time and emotional ease. It's not something which can be done under stress or in a rush; it requires taking several breaths to pause and enough interest. Interest can be directed, but it's easier if it's also natural - I have an interest in museums, and flowers, and weather, and unusual people, but if something is important to someone who is important to me, interest tends to come along with it. This is a somewhat gendered thing - women are more often expected to pick up the interests of their partners than men, just as women are expected to support their partners more than men are - but I think it has a lot of advantages, especially in terms of adding variety to peoples' lives. This kind of interest and engagement is about building and maintaining a relationship as well; in contrast with the brief interaction of a like, really engaging with someone else's interests means learning about it and why the person we care about cares about it. This is one of the ways in which personal relationships can bridge ideological divides as well; when we have an emotional connection we want to maintain, we're more motivated to get and remain engaged even when there are disagreements.

Cutie Moon Faire: For Love of Magical Girls

I have a deep and abiding love of Magical Girls.

Magical Girls are a genre of Japanese fantasy, for people who don't know, and their stories center around girls - ages about nine to fifteen - who are given special abilities and use them to transform and, usually, to battle for justice. The simplest stories have two dimensional forces of evil which want to remove something from the world - love, or mercy, or energy. There is often a lot of maniacal laughter, long speeches about how horrible light or kindness are, transformation sequences which save budgets, and a mysterious love interest who can be either pursuer or rescuer. On the more complicated end, the stories interrogate ideas of power and freedom in the lives of some of girls who are simultaneously powerful and powerless. They explore issues of identity, romance, and individuation during the complicated promise of a Magical Girl becoming an adult woman, who has different stories. The closes US analog is Jem, where Jerika has to face issues of honesty, integrity, and identity as she tries to co-exist with her more famous form, Jem, but Jerika is an adult woman as seen by a pre-teen (most of the plot holes vanish if you're twelve) instead of a peer who has been inexplicably given both the power and the responsibility of an adult. Sailor Moon is the Magical Girl associated with the Cutie Moon event, and she is a fine example of the genre; a girl with many faults, who doesn't seem at all special, but who under it all is a Princess who will end up saving the world.

I was never a huge Sailor Moon fan, though I've seen enough of the anime to have a working knowledge of it. My gateway Magical Girl was Kaitou Saint Tail, a largely mundane Magical Girl who steals in order to bring about justice. I was shortly thereafter introduced to Wedding Peach, which is an extremely fluffy Sailor Moon analog complete with these amazing speeches on the part of the main character about the weather and how the villain she is about to fight has offended the universe. It's complete fluff, but so enjoyable. After that I did a quick run through a lot of manga, including Card Captor Sakura, which is aimed at younger girls, until I hit the twisted and adult end of the genre with a hard slap into one of my favorites, Princess Tutu. The one which really gave me insight into the recursive nature of the genre, and the profound aspects of character growth possible, was Puella Magi Madoka Magica, which offers up a main girl like no other, and a Möbius strip of story which is so delightful I finished it and wanted to watch it all over again. I love Magical Girl stories and the powerful girls whose stories are told in so many wonderful ways.

The Cutie Moon Faire offers a lot of different things inspired by Sailor Moon, and I had a ball putting together a look with a few pieces, including one lovely gift. The hair is a really fun release at the Faire from from Wasabi Pills with adorable upswept pigtails and a bang line that I really enjoyed. Usually her bangs are heavier, but this has the little peep hole I could show off a forehead jewel from Souzou Eien in, and it also works beautifully with diadem style crowns. I paired it with cosmetics from Adore & Abhor with stars across the cheeks and a soft, bright red lip to match the red accents to my look. The look itself is an amazing recolor of Fateplay's Sailor Fuku release at the Faire, and I am as in love with it now as I was the last time I wore it - perhaps even more with the pink, yellow, and red color styling. It comes with the wand I'm wearing, and that wand comes with the most amazing HUD which lets me spin around and blow hearts at everybody! I love it so~! I'm also wearing the included boots, which I think would look a touch better if my legs were longer, but which I quite like nonetheless; they have a simple, streamlined style which look like they poofed out of ribbons. The stockings above them come from Kyoto Couture and include the cute bows at the sides of the thighs; if I could get this ribbon style in a SLink adapted form, I would be one happy Faerie. The final touch which sealed the deal is this adorable purse - a gift from someone who made it into the Faire before I did - from Atomic. When I finally got into the faire I was able to try my hand at landing a few others, and ended up with five of the six - which isn't bad at all. I like the stuffed head dangling from the front, and I love how the shoulder band was made, as it let me adjust the purse for different shots so that it always looked natural. Very well done indeed!

( More pictures here. )

Credits: 

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Wasabi Pills, Chibi (Cutie Moon)
Jewel: Souzou Eien, Precious Bindi
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Blush: Adore & Abhor, Princess Star Blush
Lipstick: Adore & Abhor, Fluff Lips
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands
Nails: Pin Me Down, Neon
Outfit: FATEplay, Rena (Cutie Moon)
Purse: Atomic, Scout Bag (Gacha - Cutie Moon)
Stockings: Kyoto Couture, Socks No.2

Poses: !bang

Location: Skyrah: ReiKai
Light Settings: TOR, FOGGY Pink Chapterhouse
Water Settings: Mirror Water

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only

A Girl and a Shadow and a Singularity

Immersiva has been remade, and the qualities of it make it uniquely a blessing (and curse) for photographers. Set in extreme darkness, the Singularity of Kumiko is a sometimes terrifying, sometimes deeply moving story which plays out gradually through letters between her and her father, Iktomi. The light to use is incredibly dark, with projectors (both worn by you and placed around the sim) supplying the only light. Now and then, your head projector will flicker out of commission, leaving yourself in the dark and more vulnerable to the wild Toy Monster which over-protectively try to destroy anything in the wrong places. It's sort of like a sim immune system on crack - if you run when you see the red, you might be safe.

The combination of dark and projectors sets up a nearly perfect chiaroscuro effect everywhere you go, with confusing woodlands and wandering paths which make the entire sim seem much larger than it is. This is part of what makes it so perfect for photographers - each time you find a "scene" of the story it seems like a small spot within a vast darkness, and in the darkest places your headlamp is the only thing illuminating anything, leaving even yourself in shadow. I have a great love for Rembrandt, who elevated chiaroscuro to its most sublime state, and again and again I was reminded of the power of shadows to leave in only what is most important. The fact that one is wearing one's own light source just redoubles the effect - as you can see below. Within Second Life, we mostly interact in the third person, watching ourselves do things on the screen. The darkness and our participation in pushing it back thins this disconnect between ourselves and our avatars, making us even more one.

Back in the day when people used long words and degrees to analyze Second Life, there was a lot of disagreement between people in favor of Immersion and people in favor of Augmentation, where people disagreed about how people should use a virtual environment like Second Life and to what extent our "real" identities offline should influence our identities online. Tateru Nino pointed out that really immersion was about giving ones full attention to the virtual world, a demand few other services make these days, and that the critique of immersion might be better aimed at an escapism where one uses a virtual world to escape the "real" one. Ciaran Leval further brings in the issue of disclosure to the party - whether one shares one's offline identity online via either using the same name or dislosing one's offline identity.

In reality, these conflicts and questions of identity are much broader than Second Life, and in the five years since they raged wildly through the intelligencia of Second Life they have become of general concern on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and other social networks with differing barriers of entry. Facebook and Google+ both bank on bringing "real" identities to the table, meaning the identities one has on a drivers license (most easily, so long as your identity conforms to European/US norms) or via a concerted expression of identity on other services (more difficultly, unless your identity apes European/US norms). This focus on realness has offered a unique vector of attack on others - when people disagree on Facebook they can report and identity as not real, even if it is, and Facebook may remove the account, even if it is the person's legal identity. This encourages people who value the service for personal connection to conform and keep their head down, even as the growing effect of words and pictures connected with one's legal identity on things like ones job become increasingly harsh.

There is a reason why "doxxing" or releasing documents connecting and online and offline identity, is such a big deal in certain places on the internet. While it remains rare and is being challenged in the courts, people have lost their jobs over unrelated things on the internet which were connected with their legal identities. While the larger issue of justice may be affected by court rulings, that doesn't change the profoundly negative effect that losing ones job and having to mount a legal defense can have. Equally concerning, the growth of bullying using virtual social networks in addition to physical social networks has led to several deaths, and may be bringing in whole new issues about how we interact with each other. Somewhat ironically, there are ways in which an online, virtual interaction is "more real" than an offline, physical interaction simply because so many of the details of it - time, place, words and images included - are recorded for later review. I don't believe that online bullying is some sort of new thing, where without the online there would be no bullying; instead I believe the online, virtual nature of the interactions record existing cruelty people have toward each other, and make it easier to track and prosecute; this doesn't change the profound negative effect this can have on someone, though, especially considering how personal virtual social networks are. They are literally within our homes, as personal and private as one can get, while simultaneously being broadcast to the world (or at least the NSA).

Like Bryn Oh's chiaroscuro, which highlights memories and experiences while respecting the darkness of ignorance within which we all swim, issues of identity highlight the joins and challenges in determining who we are and expressing what we want to in a world where the opinions of others are as important (if not more) than our own. People have opinions about others who have unusual names online, and that is part of a presentation - as is how those names are minimized and rendered less important through virtual social networks like Google+, which allows one to have non-standard US "nicknames" but doesn't allow one to post and express oneself using them. People have opinions about what others should and should not be doing, and the amount of information we tend to share online opens us up to more scrutiny and critique, but usually only when we rise to the attention of people inclined to do that sort of judging. Immersion in a world where people can modify their presentation so radically highlights peoples' concerns about identity: that they will be duped in some way, that people are lying to them, that people are not what they seem. The truth is, however, that we are not what we seem in whatever venue we are seen; out of shame, reticence, and realistic appreciation of the difficulties with being fully honest, we conceal ourselves as carefully face to face as we do avatar to avatar.

A couple quick notes about my awesome outfit in these pictures - the top and pants are from Fateplay and come as a set. Sadly, the undershirt and vest are not separate meshes, but they are well rigged and I really like the underlying shape Fateplay uses for it's meshes - on the medium a bit of belly, a nice but not enormous butt, and reasonable cleavage. I also like that it's well fitted and practical; it looks like the sort of outfit one would wear for tramping around in the woods getting into trouble. While I love impractical gowns more than the next person, it's nice to have something in my arsenal for times when I need to be a bit more rugged and prepared, like when searching through a dark woods of the mind for the dreams left behind by a girl I grow to love. For practicality's reasons, I paired the outfit with a set of platform sneakers from Adore & Abhor. These are available in every color dreamed of by man, and a few just from your nightmares, so check them out. My hair was more of a happy accident than planned brilliance, though; I had just bought this surreal, spiraling hairstyle from Analog Dog when I realized my lantern from Bryn Oh's display fit into the ring perfectly, and I was hooked; I love it when form and function come together.

( More pictures here. )

Credits:

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Analog Dog, Gliese
Lantern: Bryn Oh, Headlamp
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyeshadow: De La Soul, Simple Rainbow
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Lipstick: Mock, Everwinter Lip Jelle
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands
Jewelry: Losthaven, Sheridan Necklace (Fantasy Gatcha Festival)
Nails: Nine Inch Nails, Butterfly
Outfit: Fateplay, Denai
Shoes: Adore & Abhor, Platform Sneaks

Pose: Grafica

Location: The Singularity of Kumiko
Light Settings: Phototools, No Light
Water Settings: Mirror Water

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only

Wants and Wishes for Second Life

I made a new alt in Second Life recently - I wanted a second guy for some hunting picture purposes and I was reminded anew of how altered the alt making business is now that we don't have last names. It was incredibly difficult to come up with a name - I ended up using a name I'd originally thought up for a google alt email, to give you a sense of the dearth of reasonable names. You an still make a unique name without numbers, but names are essentially phrases now in Second Life, like elsewhere on the internet. It feels a little like beating a dead horse, but late last month I met someone who was newly made and had a last name - who said he was a Linden - and it made me wonder how much they had altered the code since they took away last names; clearly the last names are available under some circumstances, why not for everyone? There's never been a clear explanation for why last names were take away; some people speculated it was for the business crowd, but by the time it happened those business leads seemed to have dried up. Its a baffling sort of thing, and I'm not sure we'll ever truly have any answers at this point.

The starting area has changed, too, since the last alt I made. I had one lurking in the starting area about six months ago, when the style was cartoonish and it was a series of doors one walked through to get dropped somewhere from the destination guide. Now and then I'd run across one of these poor unfortunates, dropped randomly and having no idea what to do. It reminds me strongly of my first arrival in 2006, where I didn't last a week because I couldn't figure anything out. This time, there's a path to follow, but neither instructions nor aid to any of the poor orange ghosts on the beach. I overheard one woman talk about how she was told to log in for a psychology class - she needed to make a representation of herself - and I wondered how well she would do. It didn't sound like she'd been given any guidance on how to find some of the free resources on the grid, and without that it can be difficult to get a complete or attractive avatar.

In honor of thinking about new things, like the beginning time of a new CEO Ebbe Altberg, who has already started interacting with the more enthusiastic residents in Second Life through his twitter, I thought I'd make a short list of the things I'd like to see in Second Life.

1. Last names back. I know it's been years, and things are different, but seriously people want this a lot, including me. The biggest advantage to it is that it allows more than one person to be Jane or Marcus, and people often become very attached to their names. Also, who doesn't want a joke alt?


2. "Dressing Rooms" for residents that allow us to rez things and get some privacy while interacting via Group Chat and IMs with other people in Second Life. This is probably harder, but it would be a real boon to the economy (since people would have a reason to want to buy furniture and the like), and if they only exist when the person is logged in than I bet it wouldn't take up too much server space.


3. "Message boxes" of some sort which takes in and organizes objects given while someone is not in world. Lets you set settings for how you get notecards versus IMs versus group messages. A lot of times people end up making redundant systems to try to get messages out, which only adds to the strain on the servers.


4. Some kind of Subscribo-like group people could join with infinite capability.It doesn't need group chat or land influence, but just the means to send out messages and perhaps set a title so that one can get in-group specials. Right now, all of the work-arounds have flaws that could be fixed with something hard-coded into the system.


5. Smaller minimum sizes for mesh/prim items. (Stolen from Inusweets on Plurk)


6. More prims per meter on sims. Other grids have shown that a sim can support more, and computers have been increasing in size and capability exponentially. This will also enable more subdividing, and more being built on different sims. Yes, mesh is adding a lot of detail and adding to what people can have, but a pure rise in sim capability would be a welcome thing.


7. More useful search, which allows for Boolean searches and checking for similar spelling, a la Google. Search right now is all but useless. Similar search capabilities on the Marketplace.

So, pretty please Mr. Altberg. I know that you are just the CEO, and there's a board and everything, but I like thinking of you as a grinning, dark haired Magic Pixie to bring me everything I want, so I'm asking as nicely as I can: please make all my dreams come true.

( More pictures here. )

Twisted Color Challenge: Week 48: Heraldic Call

I'm going to end up overshooting the year, I think, but I really enjoyed pulling together Heraldic Call - the combination of bright yellow and dark red I ended up pulling together with a vibrant orange and a lot of black. The combination fits my mood - some bright spots but mostly dark, tired, and wispy. During my brief stint of time in a motel - not recommended, by the way - I learned about a television show that somehow manages to hit my mystery and serial killer loving heart, but which doesn't have the one thing I dislike most about those kinds of shows - the long, slow lingering on the suffering of the victims. It's an interesting thing about serial killers; even while we decry what they and other mass murderers do, we focus on them and not the victims of their violence. On television, however, while the killers are always the focus, what they do is usually lingered on with such length and care that it's simply horrifying to me - its the same reason I think horror movies disturb me so much; the suffering of others, even simulated, is distressing to me in a way which is actively harmful to my peace of mind.

One thing I like about this show, Criminal Minds, is that the vast majority of the times they cut away before any violence can be seen, they angle away from bodies, and while they'll often show the after effects of the violence, the actual violence itself had hit the screen only once that I can remember, when the target was one of the main characters. I find that shielding of the viewer very soothing; I also like the comforting lie of these interesting, ethical people with enough clout to not play the political games which keep the machine of espionage in the government rolling. It's all a lie, of course. Anyone who has excelled enough to actually be in the positions of leverage these characters are would have been sufficiently bent to not blink at what they would be asked to do. It's the neophytes and naifs, the Eric Snowdens and Sherron Watkins who either have nothing to lose, or who honestly believe their ethical compass is more universal than it actually is, who bend the world around them instead of vice versa. I am more bent than bender; I shift to fit the circumstances I am in and I don't know what I would have done in the place of others who were benders and not bent.

( More pictures here. )

Credits: 

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: D!va, Flora
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Eyeshadow: Musa, Tarja 5
Lipstick: Mock, Mizu Lipgloss
Mask: Madrid Solo, Filigree
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands and Feet: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands and Feet
Nails: Stellar, In Bloom
Jewelry: FabFae, Gold Ring Bracelets
Collar: Souzou Eien, Elegant Throat Corset
Dress: Miamai, BL Elapse
Stockings: Stella, In Bloom Tights
Shoes: Bliensen + MaiTai, Mazurka

Pose: Grafica

Location: Muzik Isle
Light Settings: TOR, MIDDAY Plesantrie
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only

Blood in the Snow

Within Second Life, it's easy to not make any significant decisions. Second Life is, in many ways, safe. Falling won't kill. Guns won't hurt. Even the words are often insulated by miles an mysteries. Offline, I spend a lot of time not being sure if my decisions are sound. I spend time doing things, then being afraid for the results. Bad things happen, and they're partially my fault, and then I blame myself. I try to do my best, and I so, so often fall far short of the goal. More and more, I'm beginning to wonder if the enormous output of energy I have on reminding myself of how much I suck is really worth it. It makes me stressed and unhappy. It's like those times as a teenager I would get a bloody nose and just watch the blood drip down onto the pure white of the porcelain basin, entranced by my own suffering. The contrast of red on white is a stark one, and one usually associated with a wound or injury. Second Life is a fangless world without actual physical wounds, but the ways in which we preset ourselves through our avatars can reflect the more subtle emotional wounds so many of us carry. Our pain and self-hatred can form themselves as bruises, or gems, or a cracked doll skin. We can reform our weaknesses into beautiful shapes and pictures, somehow redeeming pain with self-expression. The very safeness of Second Life makes it a prime place to flower free in ways we might be afraid to offline, to be honest in ways we may not offline, to relax our boundaries. The lack of consequences has it's own effects, encouraging me to rethink large aspects of my offline life in a place where it's easy and pleasant to pretend to have no cares.

I'm layered and warm in this look, starting with a curling Truth hairstyle which all  but engulfs my ears, large as they are. One thing I like about Truth's style is how it is open and loose without being too flyaway or formal. I also love the little bows, which are included and matched my outfit perfectly. My lips are a gorgeous shade of deep red from Adore & Abhor, and I was aiming for something rich and slightly dull to go with this charming cape top from Ur Favorite One. The invisi-layer is critical for this, but I quite like the effect of it overall; the hood is adorable, the collar looks soft and warm, and the length is charming. It's also quite unique, which is why I picked it up despite my usual resistance to separates. It's a little difficult to find clothing for underneath, but it works well with a knee length skirt or a pair of pants. I went for the former by layering under it one of katat0nik's latest releases, which unfortunately hides it's wonderful metal bodice but which still shows off a sweetly rigged, knee-length skirt with the simple, clear texturing that katat0nik is known for. My stockings are an old favorite - Stellar - and are a much darker color; I thought they balanced out my wings, from Deviance. I also wanted to capture some of the darker tones right before slipping into these elegant new shoes from Eclectica. I love the way the bows are done in particular; they really look like ribbon tacked on to the back. I also love the texturing - look at the rich red and soft cream, the gentle wood of the heel. It's such a simple design, and yet so lovely.

( More pictures here. )

Credits: 

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Truth, Velvet
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Lipstick: Adore & Abhor, 13 Lips Earth
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands and Feet: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands and Feet
Finger Nails: A:S:S, Glamour silk
Cape: U.F.O., Ponpon Cape Coat (Collabor88)
Dress: katat0nik, Metal Corset Dress
Stockings: Stellar, In Bloom Tights
Shoes: Eclectica, Brocade Court Shoes

Poses: Diesel Works

Location: Crash Boat
Light Settings: Phototools, rara Home Fall Light
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only

How NOT to pick up a chick in Second Life - Episode 12

It's been a while since I've been hit on - and this particular example is especially astonishing because of the rapid turnaround in attitude after a single "no." This is actually fairly common in these kinds of interactions, along with the astonishing lack of interest in anything about me beyond my appearance - despite the fact that lots of information about me is literally in my profile, a single click away.

[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: hello fairy girl
Deoridhe Quandry: Hello.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: blow kiss onto your forehead

This sort of immediate and inappropriate virtual physical contact is actually a technique used by Pick-up Artists who by and large disdain women. It's called Kino Escalation, and the idea is to build in a sense of familiarity and comfort in women by touching us almost immediately. Personally, it makes me deeply uncomfortable. While I am an inveterate hugger and cuddler, I expect people I just met to be quite a bit more hands off because I don't yet know what they want, and I am suspicious by nature at this point.

Deoridhe Quandry blinks.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: cute!!
Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: very welcome, sweet
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: ok, sorry to bothered you, bye
Deoridhe Quandry: No bother at all.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: realy?
Deoridhe Quandry: Yes, I'm not inclined to lie in general.

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: I'm being hit on... badly.
[Private Chat] Ro: lol Deo

[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: is a good thing
Deoridhe Quandry: I believe so, yes.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: i like it~
Deoridhe Quandry: You like... what?
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: you're  not inclined to lie
Deoridhe Quandry: Ah, yes. Most people prefer truthful people.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: giggles, sure

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: Seriously. He keeps giggling at me.
[Private Chat] Charlie: dawww a giggler
[Private Chat] Ro: XD 

[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: lovely eeyes
Deoridhe Quandry: Thank you. A friend of mine made them.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: nice job..and  breast too, smiles
Deoridhe Quandry: Those are mostly the corset. It's a very good bit of mesh.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yeah, realy  good..

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: And he's talking about my breasts. >.> Bets on how long it will take him to ask me for sex?
[Private Chat] Charlie: Catlyn is a girl's name btw Deo, did you notice that?
[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: Yup, but male body. Sometimes a G I R L?
[Private Chat] Charlie: BURR is missing the lesbian hitting on Deo!!!
[Private Chat] Charlie: LOL

Deoridhe Quandry: Creators on Second Life are very skilled.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yes, is a wonderful place for everything
Deoridhe Quandry: Not everything, but certainly a place for some creators to do wonderful work.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yes, well to meet cute girls loke you  too giggles
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: like*
Deoridhe Quandry: I suppose. ^.^
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: :))
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: hug's
Deoridhe Quandry: Hugs?
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: yes

That is when I notice he has triggered a "hug" animation. I'm wary of animations from virtual strangers in Second Life, so I prefer to not accept them; it may say hug and do very different things, after all.

Deoridhe Quandry: No thank you. I just met you.
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: so disgusting you are huh, fuck you then
Deoridhe Quandry laughs. "Wow, are you really so pathetic that a single no makes you abusive?"
[Girl Name, Boy Shape]: sorry busy a bit

[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: And "you are cute" to "you are disgusting" in a single no.
[Private Chat] Charlie: Wow... only took two letters.
[Private Chat] Deoridhe Quandry: Astonishing, isn't it?
[Private Chat] Charlie: totally

In many of my posts of this sort I've talked about how this process of being hit on in public is not really a complement - that it is more about the person making the approach than any actual interest in me. The exchange above is a clear example of this - the second I asserted myself as someone who could say "no," even by not responding, this person became first covertly and then overtly hostile. That's because this isn't ultimately about me at all - I am a receptical of all of his assumptions about women and the purpose we serve in his life, and any deviation from what he thinks should happen - e.g. he complements my breasts and I consent to physical contact with him - is met with not just hostility but extreme and rapid hostility. 

This is also part of why women are so reluctant to say no, even politely, in situations where this hostility can be followed up by violence. On Second Life I am safe. Short of griefing me - and there are tons of ways of responding to griefing - he can't harm me, and so it's safe for me to be completely honest and defend my own boundaries. If someone like this were hitting on me offline, though, I would be much more likely to lie and escape as quickly as possible, consenting to what I need to in order to stave off the inevitable overt hostile response to a no as I seek out a permanent escape. In a world where a simple "no thank you" is met with "fuck you,"  from entitled creeps, the best defense for women is to not be clear.

( More pictures here. )

Credits:

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Exile, Dream of Paradise
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbowstances 2
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Eyeshadow: MiaSnow, rainbow 4 green
Lipstick: Mock, Bella Vetro Gloss
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands and Feet: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands and Feet
Nails: Virtual Insanity, All Hallows Eve 2
Jewelry: Mandala, Milky Way
Corset: Immateria, Dunwich Corset
Skirt: Mon Tissu, Oxford Pencil Skirt
Stockings: Miamai, Ombre Stockings (Shoetopia Gatcha)
Shoes: Boom, Olycena Bow Pumps (Shoetopia)

Poses: Grafica

Location: Manet
Light Settings: Phototools, Lo Light 04
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only

Twisted Color Challenge: Week 45: Magician’s Life

The Magician's Life is one of slight of hand - of drawing the eye one way while magic goes on the other way. Much like the Lost Town display by Rebeca Bashly, the direction you're looking in changes everything. For a long time I have thought, I'm not sure why, that bell hooks was no longer alive - that I had her books to relate to and think on, but that she herself was in the past. Like how we talk about slavery and discrimination against Native Americans as if it happened hundreds of years ago, there is a way in which my perspective and inherent racism set me at a distance from bell hooks, and it was only through one of those incredible rabbit holes we cannot plan that I had the pleasure of seeing her and Melissa Harris-Perry speak on a wide range of topics related to gender, race, and class - as well as seeing the give and take of discussion, and a small smattering of how they handle various kinds of interactions with others in the community. I finished the talk with a mind stuffed full of thoughts and an increased appreciation for my own blindness. Sometimes it feels as if I spend my whole life preparing for these moments where I will discover I am wrong, I was unable to perceive what is around me - and then all at once it springs forth in front of me. There is barely any room for the shame, so lost am I in the joy of new discovery.

One thing which stood out for me is how we loose other people in our rush to make statements about the circumstances we all live within. This is something I've struggled with myself. In my rush to condemn sexism, I have often ended up targeting other women - policing their dress and appearance, judging their lives and choices, holding myself up against them as somehow better because of my relative wealth and circumstances. This paves over a fundamental insecurity, one which Harris-Perry touched on when she discussed how her voice was amplified at the behest of powerful white men. How power is created, gathered, maintained, and transferred is at the root of a lot of the inequality in the world. Once it passed through land and lineages. Now it passes through cash. In both cases it passed through the hands of men in the history of the culture I am within, and that tendency bends the world. I have a lot more to think about, but I and deeply grateful to bell hooks and Melissa Harris-Perry for sparking so much thought in only an hour and a half.

My hair is a gorgeous release from Alice Project; it was a gatcha prize with this coloration, but the hair itself can be bought at her store. I love her rainbow hued hair, especially when it's all winking in and out of the light like this. I tucked under it a delicate crown from Deviance, another gatcha prize and one of a number of gorgeous choices - all tintable, which is what I did in order to make a silvery circlet match up with the purple and cream of Magician's Life. My wings are also from Deviance, their usual shimmering white tinted ever so slightly toward cream to balance out the purple of my gown. My layered lips are a combination of two lips by Adore & Abhor - the larger purple lips forming a frame for her smaller baroque style, this time in sparkling gold. I tipped my nails in cream and gold thanks to Orc Inc, who has some of the most complete and economical nail sets on the grid. And finally, the gown - this gorgeous gown from Baiastice released for the FaMESHed event, caught my attention from the very first. I especially like the scalloped patterns on the sleeves, and how they are ruched above the elbow, but the careful rigging of the skirt so that it almost always appears like the skirt is skipping along the ground or flowing up with my movements. While I didn't photograph it, one of the !bang poses I flipped through is of my avatar holding her knee, and the dress bent almost perfectly at that joint, with none of the noodliness that you sometimes see with other dresses or boots, where the knee joint is rubbery and rounded. Instead it moved beautifully, and the ruffled edge makes even simple standing poses look elegant and natural.

( More pictures here. )

Credits:

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Alice Project, Steph II
Crown: Deviance, Erulisse Circlet
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Lipstick 1: Adore & Abhor, Fluff Lips
Lipstick 2: Adore & Abhor, Silent Star - Shine
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe
Hands and Feet: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands and Feet
Nails: Orc Inc, Pastel Shimmer
Necklace: Lassitude & Ennui, Stacked Pearls
Dress: Baiastice, Shannon

Pose: !bang

Location: Lost Town
Light Settings: TOR, NIGHT That Spells Moon 1
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only

Twisted Color Challenge: Week 42 - Peruvian Way

I'm so far behind on the Twisted Color Challenge that it isn't even funny, but Peruvian Way was a real joy to set up, and a chance to revisit items I'd picked up long ago in a new way. I wanted a sense of warmth and comfort; something sweet and pure and gentle. I ended up revisiting Happy Mood, a lovely store sim which is a reminder of the positive effects of stores on the Second Life geography - many store owners have impeccable taste and place their stores in sims full of their own creations, as if they manifested a dream.

I had originally looked for something from Peru, some windswept heights of Machu Pichu where I can pose like the uncaring invader, using unfamiliar cultures as a backdrop. I've been thinking a lot about colonizations and the scars it leaves on cultures and societies. One of the blind spots inherent to being white is a perception of every culture being within range - both an individual being able to join those cultures without incident, and being able to take aspects of that culture to use them as decoration and augmentation.

I feel that same impulse.

I own a Dreamcatcher I bought in a roadside store full of kitch which sold "Authentic Indian Bread". For a long time I coveted the long headdresses covered in Eagle Feathers which are reserved for the most revered within a culture. I gathered up bits and baubles of the hearts of other cultures, and to a certain extent I still do - cosmetics and kimono from Japan, learning recipes from Indonesia and Mexico, wondering about the lines between appreciation and appropriation. I don't buy in to the idea that we can, as adults, divorce ourselves from our roots, or how we were raised. I believe we can grow beyond it; I believe we can expand it with new cultures we enter as members; I think we carry our past with us and that it's woven into our bones.

This can be viewed in many ways. We often want to escape who we are, but I've experience multiple times that recreating me in a new place, where no one knows me, I still recreate me - with all my flaws and foibles, with all my pettiness and nobility. I'm still painfully earnest and well meaning. I'm still desperately wishing I could be sweet and bouncy all the time. I still have deep veins of darkness and the ability to read and manipulate people. I still spend a lot of my time protecting myself from being hurt in my personal life, and laying my heart on the line professionally - and I still struggle with that balance. I draw lines, and cross them, and think I know everything and am frequently wrong. I can leave who I am behind in the short term, in small space and within narrow lines, but not with any length or breadth or depth - and I think this is a fairly universal thing with humans. Who we are is rarely a conscious choice; it is usually a series of subconscious reactions and assumptions which require concerted effort to change.

( More pictures here. )

Credits:

Skin: Izzie's, Irene
Hair: Wasabi Pills, Rene
Flowers: Wishbox, Rose Headdress
Ears: Illusions, Seelie Ears
Eyes: De La Soul, Rainbow
Eyelashes 1: SLink, Mesh Lashes
Eyelashes 2: Flugeln Brise, 05-A
Lipstick: Mock, Fruitilicious Gloss
Wings: Deviance, Sidhe Wings
Hands and Feet: SLink, Rigged Mesh Hands and Feet
Nails: Orc Inc, Glitterslash
Hand Fade: Orc Inc, Blend Hands
Dress: G Field, Winter Coat "Natalie" with Fur Cuffs and Tippet
Stockings: Stellar, In Bloom
Shoes: Whatever, Wing Sneakerheel

Poses: Dare

Location: Happy Mood
Light Settings: Jessica Light 02
Water Settings: Glassy

Photographed by Deoridhe Quandry
Post processing: Cropping, only